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because i can

Posted by joana 31 Oct 2010 4 Comments »

take a look at these chubby little feet. don’t you just want to eat them? well maybe you don’t, but i love me some baby toes (“toesies” in mommy language).

so as i was taking these little feet pictures and thinking about how excited i was to have them in my picture archives and journal it on my blog, a wave of gratitude washed over me. you see, there was a time in the not so distant past, that i would have given anything to have the time for such luxuries.

(rewind back to Oct. 2005) in my single mom days i would get up every morning at 5:30 to get ready for my full time job as a dental assistant. i got jas up to get ready for a busy day as a 3rd grader, and waited til the last second to coax little 2 year old van out of bed to be at daycare by 6:30. it always made me sad to wake up a little baby so early in the morning.

i walked him into his classroom, hugged him tight, and told him i loved him and would be back soon. being a shy, apprehensive little boy he stood there timidly clutching his blanket, as the lump in my throat felt like it would burst.

when i left the room there was a two-way mirror where i would watch him for a few minutes on my way back to the car. he soon figured out that he could see my  my silhouette and knew i was there watching. one day he walked over and put his hand on the window. i put my hand to the window to touch his as he gave me a sad little “mommy don’t go” look. after that it was our daily ritual and although it ripped my heart out, i was glad that at least he wasn’t screaming for me not to go, that would’ve killed me. a tender mercy from Heavenly Father.

i would wait until i got in the car to cry, only taking comfort in knowing that he had his blankie with him (the next best thing to mom), some nice teachers, and that Heavenly Father was watching over him while i couldn’t. but still. i’m his mom, it made me so sad that i was missing out on his little life all day. then i dropped jas off at the elementary school to wait in the office with all the other “working parent kids” til school started, and hurried off to be to work by 7.

after a very long 8 + hours i anxiously returned to pick up my treasures, and then did everything i could  to get the most out of the time i had with them until bedtime. then after bedtime it was dishes, laundry, cleaning, bills, etc- you know, things that you usually have help with, except i was doing it alone. and even though Heavenly Father was with me all the while, it was still really hard, and left no time for documenting little toes and such.

this went on for almost 3 years until i met my amazing husband, who gives me all the love and support that i need to be a stay at home mom and loves that he’s able to take care of all of us. there’s not a day that goes by that i don’t thank my Heavenly Father for my wonderful life. He really has blessed me so much.

so, initially when i was taking these pictures today i thought – “who takes pictures of their kids chubby feet and puts them on their blog?”  and then these memories flooded my mind, and i thought- “me.”

“because i can.”

4 Responses to “because i can”

  1. Karen says:

    That was so sweet, Joana. You made me appreciate more my position at home. :) I’m so glad you get to do that, now.

  2. Suely says:

    Joana, I am so happy for you! I have been blessed to stay home with my kids and I know what a priviledge and blessing that is! I am thankful that Fred makes it possible for you to play your role as Heavenly Father intended it to be.
    You are an amazing person and I thank our Father in heaven always for having such a wonderful daughter like you and the treasures you brought with you to be part of our eternal family.
    And like you, I do want to eat those little toes! Kiss her for me.
    Love you.

  3. Becky Jorgensen says:

    Oh my gosh this brought tears to my eyes and chills the entire time!! That would so hard to go through that daily! You just made me feel so appreciative of the life I have and how amazing it really is to be home with my munchkins!! Thanks you so much for this!! You are amazing Joana!!! xoxo

  4. Carolyn Losee says:

    Thank you for the tender thoughts! U R a special daughter. Expressing gratitude to Heavenly Father especially when life is tough is the place you should be. I am thankful you get it! An “attitude of gratitude” is a blessing indeed. Love, Mom